bhwmalachi的部落格

My brother, sister and I were on a hike together. Quickly, we ran into some swamp land. "Watch out guys," I said. "There might be snakes in here." As if it had heard me, I felt a snake coil itself around my right foot. Shivers ran up my spine as I tried to remain calm. Before I had a chance to catch my breath, another snake had slithered over and was inching its way up my left leg. I felt its fangs brush against my skin on the way up. I looked at my brother and sister in horror. As I did so, I felt a snake drop from the tree behind me and begin winding its way through my hair. I looked at my sister. "Run!" she screamed under her breath. "No!" said my brother. "You must stay very still until they leave."

I stood there, heart pounding, trying to decide what to do. I had never been in such a precarious position, and I knew my life depended on my making the right decision. In that moment, it dawned on me that I had a third choice: I could wake up. Cautiously, I opened my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief when I realized I was safe in my own bed and the snakes were merely a dream. I rolled over to my husband and woke him, telling him I had another bad dream. He knew the drill well. He quickly wrapped his arms around me and told me I was safe, and I drifted back to sleep without any more snakes.

When I woke up this morning, I got to thinking about my dream. It was so real. I honestly thought that I was in peril and that I only had the two unfavorable options that my siblings posed to me. When in reality, the best option was to remove myself from the situation entirely.

How often do we do this in real life$%: You meet this guy and he seems to be everything you ever dreamed of. But, after the first few months, the pleasantries are over, and you find he has lots of personality quirks you didn't expect. Instead of seeing all the red flags and dropping the guy, you find yourself holding on and making excuses for him, mistaking your first impression of him as reality. You try to fix a relationship that has barely even begun; one that you really have no reason to be loyal to.

As a relationship expert, I answer many people's questions about their relationships. About all too many of them sound similar to this.

"My boyfriend (or girlfriend) and I have been together for a month to a year. He:

o Doesn't treat me right.

o Doesn't listen to me.

o Is rude to me.

o Hates my kids.

o Will not commit to our relationship.

o Uses me.

But I love him and can't imagine life without him. I want to make a future with him. What can I do to make things work$%:"

Basically, these poor souls write for help, wrapped up in snakes, wanting to know how to escape them. Often, the answer often is to wake up and leave the situation altogether! So often when you are caught up in a new relationship, it is difficult to stand back and assess what reality looks like. You forget that the snakes or the problems of this relationship are only there as long as you decide to stay in the relationship. You keep dreaming that you actually are in an ideal situation when you are not. When you step back and look at reality, it is easier to see that you are living in an unhealthy dream. Often it is a dream that no one really would want to make a future in.

So how do you know when to stay and when to leave$%: It takes knowing yourself and knowing your needs in a relationship. It helps to know what you are looking for before you enter into a relationship and are caught up in snakes.